i hope push ups and a ton of orange juice gets rid of chlamydia
they got in a fight during sex...she came out yelling and covered in chocolate
the brownie started to kick in before i finished the essay... it became a race against my own increasing intoxication
His mom walked into the kitchen smiling, made a scotch on the rocks, hit my bong, and told us goodnight enthusiastically. He's suddenly more appealing to me.
You have to come over we all bought drinking hats. Mine has a turtle on it. Side note: somehow someone got their hands on 50 candied apples and we need to eat them...
I'm gonna be a few minutes late, some asshole just fell off the ferry so we had to stop.
I took a few sips of my hugeee bottle of liquid Vicodin and smoked my one hitter and now I'm going thru my attic like Indiana Jones
Visiting Houston was a good decision for my penis.
at one point, i told him to buy you a pumpkin spice latte and uggs because you're a common white girl and that's how he should get you in bed
In the name of friendship, I’m going to kick your children into the ocean.
Why do I know about what dicks have been in your mouth but didn't know you had a dog? What kind of friends are we??
YOLO is a great motto until you end up with Chlamydia
I mean I made my therapist laugh so hard she cried....so yes, my life is literally a joke to everyone
So my dad just asked, "did you leave without pants a lil bit ago?"
Everything is scary i hate being an adult i hate responsibility tell me a dick joke
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