like if someone fucked a dictionary but instead of having a penis, it was just one of those leap frog educational toys
I hope to god you are high
i want tt clbm rinabw nd ride uncrn
what?
i wnt tto climb a rainboww and ride a unicornnnnnnnnn
The brown eye won't let me do that either.
I woke up and blew hamburger out my nose. That kinda night.
He bought me shots at the bar as his way of of paying me back for Plan B
I think if I set up a series of baby gates up the stairs each one more difficult to undo then the last that should be able to stop your drunk vagina.
Is re-gifting a Valentine's Day present worse than re-gifting a Xmas one?
You're unbelievable, unbelievably awesome.
i decided if i had to, i could survive with only 3 fingers on each hand.
I can't believe you didn't come out. There was a duckling ON THE BAR!
I'm sure I'll run in to him again, there's only so many VA detoxes.
Last night I dreamed that I got eaten out by Lego Harry Potter.
Apparently asking your girlfriends roommate for a hand job when u craw into the wrong bed after a bottle of rum is "bad form".
Let's knock shit down like godzilla and have intense sex in the rubble
I'm high. ignore me
Totally just got spotted hitting the bowl by someone else hitting a bowl. We gave each other a head nod
I know you're here! I can hear your phoneeeee. Wake up and do illegal things with me.
Randomize
