I drank it, and now my boss keeps hitting me in the face with beams of light.
Tripping at your desk probably isn't the best plan you've had.
You turned to me, asked if I was having fun yet, and then threw up onto my jeans. Thanks for the awesome first time partying experience
Is it penis luge time yet?
Hey just wanted to let you know my nose is broken and I have a fractured wrist. I told you it wasn't a slip and slide.
Dude I didn't think you'd do it. I mean come on, who puts a slip and slide on their driveway?
I mean, I'm twenty four years old and I've never paid for my own drink. You can't say that any of your ex girlfriends boobs are THAT great.
I've never heard of anyone celebrating the holidays with a fuck buddies family before.
....I'll be expecting my trophy when I return.
Sometimes I hate my life and then I remember I live in the WORLD CAPITAL OF RUM
8:30 every morning in the third floor bathroom we fuck in the handicap stall. You have your morning workout and I have mine.
I AM COVERED IN FAKE BLOOD AND REAL CUM. I AM AWESOME
i'm almost positive she was a dude but like it doesn't even matter
re read what you just said
Do you remember biting my ear and whispering quotes of Pride and Prejudice last night?
What's life without a pregnancy scare?
I drank too much tequila. I'm hyperventilating. Send help. I think I slipped through satan's asshole.
I think I kinda scared him when I tried to wrap his snake around his dick while he was trying to nap.
He ate me out for my sailor moon manga and I gave him a blowjob for his Devilman manga. Pretty sweet deal imo
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