You saying I have a drinkingg problem is like saying Superman has a flying problem.
yeah my parents were only ten feet away and we somehow managed to do it in five different positions without them noticing
Fire inspection over. Blunts are OK
I swear if his heart was half the size of the cum stains he's left on my sheets we would have the perfect relationship
she's walking down the hall in a thong and one flip flop and one ugg
My goal for tonight: make tomorrow as awkward as humanly possible.
Currently microwaving whipped cream to make white Russians and hotboxing the kitchen while this random kid is dancing in the corner.
so the photographer said "let's get a picture of the cousins" so we posed together, and then he said " lets get a picture of the couples" So we posed together.
My head is pounding and I need an ice pack for my vag. Successful friendsgiving!
Is your gma going to be okay with me passed out drunk on the ground
I made out with a guy who was dressed as Borat
And like a minute in, I was like oh fuck what am I doing
Did you run away?
I DANCED AWAY.
You were carrying a 6 ft lamp that we stole on your back yelling "OHANA MEANS FAMILY AND FAMILY MEANS NOBODY GETS LEFT BEHIND"
You rolled over grabbed my crotch and said "that's my waffle." I'm sleeping on the couch next time.
I went looking for them and I pulled my pants down and peed on the lawn. I found my phone in the same spot in the morning.
true. but still. you know how big of a sucker i am for a penis and a pretty face.
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