haha i took a picture of myself naked on her camera
She didnt have a camera...
Regardless, you never quit out of your interenet. You left your porn on the living room comp. Then you passed out four feet from the chair with your hand still down your pants. We decided that we should go back to her place instead. Worlds best wingman.
He still wants to giggity, regardless of his girlfriend. So...I guess I'm happy again.
She told me she was a cowboys fan... I told her it was a waste of a perfect set of tits
I could give you a full detailed description of 75% of the penises in that room
Fair warning: We've transformed the living room into a giant tent.
Don't lose. A little bit of my soul dies every time a beer pong game is lost.
I honestly don't know if ill make it through the next two hours. The hangover is strong with this one.
Took out half a tooth with a handle of jim beam last night. Apparently I can't walk and chug bourbon at the same time
I puked walking onto the plane. How do you think my post-Birthday hangover went?
As an added realisation of today. If we used the last time I got laid as a conceiving date I would have a two week old baby. It's been too long...
my vagina hasn't met your boyfriend yet ... makes me sad
i have never been so sexually frustrated as I am right now. I feel like dying...is death an option?
Dude, you stalking his LINKEDIN profile will NOT affect your chances with him. We aren't 40...
Unless it involves a lot of whiskey, an ACDC concert, and a guy named Juan from the Philippines, then I'm not interested.
Randomize
