forecast for tonight- shitshow with a chance of tbell
my version of bright and sunny.
It's a beautiful day for a hangover
I got so many pubes stuck in her braces that when she yanked her head, I cried out like that one girl you "accidentally" rear-ended last week. Bald spots are battle scars.
Just bought plan B with a coupon. Told the pharmacist I like to keep it classy.
Every day you talk to me ... I literally love you more..
My natural self cock block skills kicked in last night. I could've got on like 2 chicks but i ended up throwing up all over my van instead.
RJ thinks I should put one of the muffins in my vagina. Good idea or bad idea?
and she just brought her bike into the shower with her
Either I got the clap, or I masturbated with soap while I was sleeping.
Monday morning margarita madness at ny house. Yes before wheel of fortune. Yes day drinking.
I've got a permanent seat at the "Girls who eat their feelings" table this weekend.
Hi. This might be awkward, but I met you on saturday at about 330 am. I have to admit I don't remember your name, what we talked about, or various details of how I got home. What I do remember is that I was invested enough in getting your number to ask my cab driver for a pen to write it down since my phone was dead. So do you want to meet, soberer, some time?
Hey bro I think you got the wrong number I'm a dude
WHY IS HE GONE WHEN I ACTUALLY HAVE THE AMOUT OF ESTROGEN TO HUMP A SQUIRREL?!?!
I plan to get very, very drunk when I get off work.
But doesn't your shift end at like noon?
I don't think you understand.
You can either drink his whiskey or be a bitch. Doing both is just mean.
I'm drunk but I just ate 2 heads of broccoli so does that mean it evens out?
Yes absolutlely
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