and trust me i need no booty pop lessons
I was being carried out of the bar, but then my friend saw Pat who just got kicked out scaling the wall to sneak back in, so he carried me back in, sat me on the bar stool, and the bartender just let us all keep drinking.
Being persistent has its perks my friend.
I haven't gotten laid in forever. I'm obsessed. I imagine I this is how Ethopians feel about food.
He just screamed at her, "if you pass out i am still having sex with you!!!" In front of the entire party.
A 14 year old with a teardrop tattoo just tried to sell me weed. I'm in the wrong fucking neighborhood.
thank you for introducing me to everyone on chat roulette as I was passed out.
Come help me clean. I know we won't be getting our security deposit back...but I would like to move out with our dignity.
He had me believing he was actually British until he came and used his real voice.
You know it was a good weekend when; you leave a bi-lingual letter of apology on top of a stack of cash for hotel housekeeping.
Plans for halloween need to outrank Caesar, Cleopatra and Mark Antony's threesome...just saying
Im going to be coked out with hello kitty fire arms. Valentines day can suck my dick
I mean I kinda plunged vagina first into my last relationship
Started the 4th with a foursome. I don't know if it gets more festive than that. #MERICA
She caught me by google maps... Lets just say it wasnt her car in front of the house.
I know we're not on great terms here, but I need to know if you're still available for sexual activity...cause if not I need to get going on a work-out plan.
Randomize
