my ultimate dream in life is to have sperm so powerful that it will rival that of jim bob duggar.
It's a law of Nature, girls naturally hate eachother. It's only when there's no competition for a mate that they can hate each other a little less and then are appropriated into the "BFF" slot.
if I see one grey pube I'm spitting his penis out!
I would have added her but her profile pic was piece of pie
thanks for texting me "so many asians" at 1am...
there were a lot.
He was sitting at the table eating ice and said, "I'm pretty sure everyone in my family has nipples."
THEY WONT LEYT ME IN AND I REALLY NEED SOME FRUIT
your cat followed me a mile away from your house. if it doesn't come back, i'm sorry, but I needed to get laid tonight.
It's called "lets see how many European capitals we can do the walk of shame through in one year"
You know when you meet a penis that looks like it was made out of all your hopes and dreams?
hey if you're going to the hospital do you wanna pick me up a taco on your way back
It's like Jesus got stoned and this would be the sandwiches he'd make
There is a high possibility I will pass out with my hand in a bag of Doritos
Do you remember last night?
Just that I fell down a hill with my penis out and the emt talked to me.
She won't let me meet her hot new boy toy just because she thinks it'll lead to us having a threesome. It's not fair. I thought we were friends...
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