Nothings more american than taking a shit with a handgun next to you.
the brownie started to kick in before i finished the essay... it became a race against my own increasing intoxication
Don't you ever say "drinking at 2" as if it's a bad thing again. I'm asking you as a friend here.
I found her under my bed eating airplane pretzels.
Dude's from Puerto Rico. Majoring in Spanish is like us majoring in drinking with a minor in watching Forgetting Sarah Marshall.
He shaved off his eyebrows. This is not my life.
Running into your random closeted hookup from last night is really awkward when you have to sit next to him and his girlfriend in a 200 person class.
Im going in through the window and borrowing her dog. Dont worry ive done this before. we have an agreement.
Stop trying to get a gf and raw dog some forest beasts like sasquatch
I just really need a hug and a shower beer
He just kept repeating "not with an octopus" over and over for hours. Soooooo Porn Dare was a succes.
well he somehow got his hand stuck in some bike spokes trying to reach for a blunt he dropped and that's NOT the reason he's in the hospital...?
I just ordered $70 worth of pizza and I'm not even ashamed. Happy Valentine's Day to me.
sooo, that video of you eating lasangna with the strobe going magically reappeared on my phone
I passed out while searching "symptoms of narcolepsy"...
Randomize
