I woke up, not remembering how or when or why i was even there and looked over to find Steph spooning with an adult black man.
did i by any chance text you anything about feathers last night?
you mean faeutihaers?
How am I a tease?
Dude you flashed me ur vagina and walked away.
ONLY PART OF IT.
Her face was so far in my boobs, I didn't think she'd make it out. She took it like a man. She's a real trooper.
I got kicked out of an open bar wedding reception. The bride "felt threatened" by my presence. Not my fault she's ugly
I'm gonna sleep with her just to prove to my roomate that shes a slut and he's wasting his time
Just picture a dyson vacuum with razor blades. That's how it felt.
Sometimes I wish I could open my skin and just take a little peek at my liver. You know, just to see if it's rotten yet or still perfect looking.
Hes a nice guy and all but I'm only interested in his drunken alter ego.
there is nothing worst than getting kicked in the face by a stripper
you fail at everything in life besides blacking out
Apparently I told him he would be good for human sacrifice.
Almost stopped showering halfway through to go get food
Hypothetically speaking - is it bad if you get cut off at an airport bar at 11:30am?
You threw up at the outdoor bar and it was pretty...astonishing just how much can come out of such a small human.
Randomize
