yeah I know. she is a stupid fat trailer trash bitchwhore and I hate her
but when she came up to me in the bar I had to be all like "OMG HEYYY how are you, I haven't seen you in foreverrrrr!!"
but for the record, yeah, I hope she gets mauled by a bear and dies
i just spit dirty mouth water on my dentist. and apparently grinning sheepishly and saying "my b" doesn't make it better
Which one of you FUCKERS filled the toilet with soil and planted my mothers daisys in it? NOT FUCKING HAPPY
your suggestions for charades were, getting sucked into an aircraft turbine, getting raped by a dolphin, and having sex with a vacuum cleaner. you got your own, and actually used a vacuum cleaner as a prop.
He asked if I was on the pill, apparently I just downed my glass of beer and winked at him...
im looking at burger kings website. there isnt one anywhere close to where we were last night. i think it was sent from heaven
All I remember is mattress sliding down the stairs while giving him a blow-job. Sorry you had to witness the incident.
I am making a budget for 2012. Should condoms be in the insurance or entertainment category?
I'll be on pinterest all night planning crafty things to do with my cats in 10 years.
Everyone was hooking up and I was just by myself rolling around in the grass at one point ... Which I am allergic to.
Mainly I just wanna pet bunnies. And purple chicks. Well any color chicks if I close my eyes. But purple if I open them.
In case you're wondering what frozen hashbrowns taste like at 4 in the afternoon, shame. They taste like shame.
Totally just made a post sex emergency cupcake run. My life is awesome.
Hey the moment you step into my house, find me IMMEDIATELY so we can pinky promise on not roping anyone at the party into yet another threesome
I know it's super late on a work night, but can you drop by and bend me over my new motorcycle? I have tequila and tacos...
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