Turns out I'm a social drinker... I just happen to be REALLY social.
I think "bars open christmas minneapolis" is the saddest google search i've ever done.
College is just filling the gap until I get a rich girl pregnant
He looked at me like he has never had a girl throw up on him before.
Well, I just hope you know I had your best interests at heart when I put your sandwich down my pants.
No, she passed out instead. I have the worst luck, its like Jesus is mad at me for having the same birthday as him
Your cum is still running out of me. I pity the next person that tries these jeans on....
WHY IS EVERY MAN IN THIS CITY GAY? IS IT SO BAD TO WANT TO BE TREATED LIKE A PIECE OF SHIT BY A REALLY HOT STRAIGHT MAN FOR A NIGHT?
TO ALL WHO WERE IN MY HOUSE LAST NIGHT: WHOEVER STOLE MY BONG AND PUT IT ON THE ROOF WILL BE PAYING MY HOSPITAL BILL FROM LAST NIGHT.. AND BUYING ME A NEW, SWEETER BONG.
the tv said "its small, its comfortable..." and i started laughing... safe to say he lost any dignity he had left...
I woke up with his condom in my mouth. I actually use them now you should be proud of me.
"He was so not worth staining my backseat for."
You kept purposefully giving me wrong directions, laughing, then yelling at me for taking directions from a drunk person.
It's finals week and I'm halfway done with this bag of wine and don't plan on stopping. Say goodbye to my GPA
I got snowed in at my parent's. everyone's asleep so I'm smoking a joint in my old room and watching Tarzan on a 12" tv.
They must be so glad to have you home...
Randomize
