I am like the Mr. Miyagi of queefs.
why im i the only drunk person in the library?
Afterwards she kept poking it and saying "it looks so sad and small" I dont know if I wanted to reach this state in our relationship...
I lost count of how many people I peed on last night.
Those were the days I had no morals... Dark times.
Shall we take a trip back?
Do you have paint?
Paint? I wish
OMG WHAT ARE YOU DOING
i fucking swear, saying shit like "i dont get jealous" is like personally inviting your slutty friend to fuck the guy you slept with like a month ago
I'm considering having a threesome with my friend just so I can sleep with his boyfriend and not feel guilty about it.
Currently at a fetish club with a set of swings (don't ask). Having flashbacks to the park by my house
I can't remember dinner
Hahaha "rub in the ketchup on your face, It'll just look like blush." some gay waiter said that to you, and you go "good idea!"
My legacy here is being that tiny blonde girl that threw someone down and shouted "Fuck your face, I'm Dee Dee Ramone."
please tell dad to clear the porn off his tablet before he lends it to anyone from now on
This is why you have to watch more Zombie movies- to prepare for End Times...
You thought they were asking for volunteers for a karaoke contest so you jumped up not realizing it was actually a "last 3 minutes boxing match". But you took that right hook like a champ.
don't think less of me for this, but i'm pretty sure he did a line off my boob last night.
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