I just gave my patient permission to swallow while pregnant. She was so embarrassed to ask...but her bf was really happy with the answer.
just spent about 3 1/2 hours looking for a dollar so I can buy weed.
suggestion: become a stripper.
He said he had a gf but the monogamy was "only implied".
the girls im babysitting are trying to see how much jello they can swallow without chewing...their future boyfriends are lucky
i'm pretty sure the only people calling it "sexting" are ones who don't actually do it
I was high and he had on a gorilla suit. Of course I had to take a picture with him
Your a disgrace to smokers everywhere
Dude, you flipped off a cat from my balcony and yelled at it to get a house
It's not ok to announce to a group of people playing beer pong that a girl put her finger in your butt last night. I now know this
Never should have deleted her from my facebook. My new girl is so much hotter than she is, I just want to passive aggressively rub it in her face
I feel like I put a fire out with my hand but idk if that was a dream or not
Pretty sure by 1p, she had fucked all of my bodily fluids out of me. I'm now trying to replace them with bourbon so 2016 is turning out pretty good.
He brought me Plan B in the snowstorm.
A+ 👏🏼
There are condoms rolled onto each bunny ear of the ears I was wearing last night
She did what?
Who. The correct term is she did who.
Did you see him? The correct term is definitely what.
Whatever he got a sick blow job and his high school fantasy was fulfilled
And that's what dreams are made of
*hilary duff crying in the background*
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