oh jesus shes a lukewarm mess
I didn't think I could chip a tooth while giving a blowjob until I met him.
The pick up line I used was "Grab my sack, you'll be back." Then I winked at her.
this will be a night to untag.
Bad idea. College students cannot afford both alcohol and a cat. Unless said cat is irish, and can feed itself with fifths of whisky.
I went back up to the apartment to get her phone and when I came back she was peeing on the sidewalk
I should probably file for unemployment. Sometime between last night and 4 AM I facebooked my manager the lyrics to hoe by ludacris. I'm just projecting ahead here.
I HAVE stop dating guys for their prescriptions, you have no idea how awkward family dinner was. Thank god for his xanax.
Can't tonight. I'm supposed to get drugs for some college kids. Just doin my part in helping to enlight america's future
I'll have you know my trust issues and my daddy issues are two COMPLETELY different topics of conversation.
Btw, you're my emergency contact at Planned Parenthood
See what happens when I don't get laid? I make poor life decisions, like buying baby ducks.
I just remembered I made you punch yourself in the face last night and I would like to formally apologize for that even though it was hilarious.
I never thought in a million years that I would have a threesome with my boss and his wife and yet here we are.
Sometimes the most spiritual fucking thing to do is punch somebody in the face.
Randomize
