i went to disney world today with my friends, met snow white, then saw her later at a bar. she is naked next to me in her bed, passwed out. when you wish upon a star...
I almost didn't recognize her with a shirt on.
what i wouldnt give for a night at orourkes without seeing 3+people ive slept with
Goddamn it, are you fucking her sister?
did you know it's going to storm tonight?
You bitch. At least tell Laura she's a better kisser.
A guy in a big stork costume just came to our meeting to give us condoms and t-shirts telling us not to get pregnant. Only at college
Just used the D.E.N.N.I.S system successfully.
Our cab driver just admitted to beating up kids in the 60's who didn't smoke pot...
two fat guys on crotch rockets just invited me to 'party' with them at a del taco. why does this keep happening to me?
his profile picture is him throwing up "#1" hands after his lax championship next to his coach that i fucked....embarrasing for him, yet ironically beautiful for me.
I just watched dragonflies fucking. You can't match that level of geek.
You chugged 6 beers in a row and then outed your boss at a party last night.
Build a thousand brigdes, lick one butthole. What am I remembered for? Buttholelicking.
I never thought my Saturday night would end up with someone crawling around my carpet for 3 hours trying to pick up spilled coke...
I never thought my Saturday night would end up with ME crawling around your carpet for 3 hours trying to save my investment.
Uhh I just had to break up with a guy who I didn't even know I was dating...
True I am eskimo brothers with every one of my room mates, but it was only two girls. And 9 outta 10 times I was first
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