whats a more ladylike way to say "fuck me on your lunch break"?
Revelation of the day. Bulimia is dumb. Anorexia is easier.
You suck.
He told me the escort brought him pizza. Can something be sad and awesome at the same time ?
Sitting in the library studying = googling how to get laid in the library.
You got into a heated argument about Frankenstein's intelligence while double fisting burritos from taco bell.
trying to figure out why the only thing in our freezer is an expired loaf of bread, a white t shirt, and a receipt from taco bell for 37.50 from last Friday
I'm sober. Being kissed by a chick with a llama puppet. Shoot me now.
There's no way I'm ready for marriage. I have too many pics of other guys' junk on my phone for an eternal commitment right now.
I think I may have just taught my whole hall how to give a good blow job. So this is college.
I woke up with $140 in twenties in my bra and have never been more puzzled.
my new game is to try to use the phrase "explosion in your mouth". as much as possible on tinder.
Snaps to my Ella Fitzgerald station for such a jazzy walk of shame
I fell asleep giving a handjob, had a sex dream about giving a handjob, and woke up giving a handjob. Life.
Shit is getting real. I just adjusted my search radius for my dating profile to ANY FUCKING WHERE
I just described cereal to my mother as "acoustic breakfast soup".
who is this
Randomize