I never want to see another naked old woman again.
He asked for his proof of insurance and he pulled out a Magnum by mistake. All of the sudden gignger was looking real good to me.
I bet they don't have a scenario slide on how to deal with a suggested three way with counsel during harassment training.
You are the only person I know who got away with wearing a turtleneck while getting laid. ONLY person.
you kept introducing yourself to guys as "never going to happen"
she just stared at nothing and then looked at me and goes, "that's a weird place to put the wall"
Just to let you know... If you ever want to get me a gift, the One Direction perfume comes out soon....... It's called Our Moment. It's an appropriate gift for a 25 year old woman.
oh my god. picked the worst day ever to not wear underwear...
I'm just gonna stop you right there because there is, in fact, no such thing.
I'm taking a pole dancing class this morning. Can I put you down as my emergency contact? I'm NOT putting my mother
you said you wanted to call me grandma and give me hugs
Every FB picture she has looks like it's from the POV of the guy she's blowing
He just pulled his sweatpants down and pissed in the middle of our garden
YOUR MANICOTTI IS FULL OF LIES
Sorry i meant to send that to my mom
You chugged Absolut from a beer bong. Why WOULDN'T you be a champion?
So, I woke up under a table with an alarm clock on my face, my hair in a bag of popcorn, and my phone charger wrapped around me.. what happened?
Randomize
