Fat chicks shouldn't bartend
I'm handcuffed to the toilet. Don't ask
We fucked in your water heater closet. Told you we'd try everywhere.
Actually I think I might be dying right now so if I do you have to drink all my vodka
You're so demanding.
I was just told that i'm a premature cuddler. . . What does that even mean?
Whatever it is you failed
Yeah kinda weird. My grandparents are here for dinner and I'm chilling on the couch close to tripping out on pain killers. My pap asked me how works going and I prettymuch drooled on myself as an answer.
Her idea of a bathing suit is... well.. she might not actually even know what one is. I've only ever seen her in a pool drunk and fully clothed or attempting to get into a pool but tripping over her pants which are at her ankles. Drunk.
So I pull up to an apartment complex and immediately felt like I was here to get stoned.
Is the party worth it?
I am drink. Beer pony and singing.
THIS CHICK IS LIKE SOME SORT OF HOOKER HOUDINI.
My head is just one big fuzz right now.. Its like someone replaced my brain with a teddy bear
who knew tequila and Christmas cookies would go so well together
I want to bone him until his eyes fall out
i think if a sober person was watching us they would have not thought we were witty
I woke up in my bed with candy and beer bottles all around me and i dont know where any of it came from. I love valentines day.
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