she offered me iced tea and went to go change.then her dad came in the door.i thought i was on how to catch a predator.
dunno bout you, but i grow tired of beef curtains
No, you dont understand, he literately fucked me into a new hairstyle, quite nice too.
I just washed champagne and tuna off my body. I feel like that was a successful shower.
please come home... she's showing me videos of spanish parrots and is telling me about her dead cousin...
Getting cock-blocked by Jeff Bridges. NOT OKAY.
I figured you left because I was a shit show. Were you still there when I got locked in the bathroom and didn't know where I was? If not, that could have been a dream. I'm still not sure.
She was mad I came so fast. I was like, It's the Olympics! Fastest time wins! We can train you in the offseason.
He purred while eating me out. HE PURRED AND I LIKED IT.
There was a trampoline and tequila. It was glorious.
ACTUALLY FUNNIEST MOMENT OF THE NIGHT WAS WHEN YOU WERE TALKING TO HIM AND YOU SAID "WHEN YOU MEET ME IN REAL LIFE I WILL BE A LOT ANGRIER." And then he said "WHEN I MEET YOU IN REAL LIFE I WILL BE LESS DRUNK, HOPEFULLY."
Oh my god the guy at DQ just gave me the number 69 and winked at me
He told me I was a good dog mom. I've never been so turned on in my life
Like, when both of your dads are drag queens you're bound to have some amazing Halloween makeup
He sent me off with a naked dance ending in a meat swing. I don't think I'll be seeing him again.
Randomize