Fiestas. Its like a classier verson of mardi gras.
you should probably quit with the whole "no homo" thing, especially when you are drunk, "mo homo"gives the wrong impression.
Thanks for the cold. I shartted and sat through a whole soccer game. James made 3 scores.
Just puked off the 5th floor onto a car windshield. This is my life and I'm proud of it.
I just smoked weed out of a baked potato.
You rock my world.
You know the cave of wonders in Aladdin? That's how I feel about his apartment. Except with blow and other treasures.
So you drank bourbon with cough syrup?
I still had a cough. It only makes sense
I think that all guys are assholes, some of them just have less assholeish qualities that we accept in our lives and that we can look past enough to deal. They have to be a pretty special asshole.
with the way the semester is going, being a stripper is starting to sound better and better everyday
Drinks have officially taken priority over self-respect, and I'm not even all that torn up about it.
My dog just blew me a kiss. First of all I'm stoned and second of all he's a pitbull. Those aren't sexual dogs. So wtf.
i don't want him to see me in a bathing suit.
hasn't he seen you naked?
well yeah, but it's different in a bathing suit.
I wasnt 2 drunk i sobered up around the time we were shooting the fire extinguishers
I am going to constantly be reminded of you for the next couple of days because of how sore my vagina is. It's just the price I have to pay.
Well, fuck this election. I'm getting drunk, regardless of who wins.
Randomize
