So instead of cumming in her, I peed in her...
What did she do!?
I didn't tell her...
You remember correctly you did get a golf cart ride out but it wasnt because you were special. You were so smashed you were screaming tiger at random golfers in the middle of there backswing.
my brother walked in while we were fucking, silently took my bong from my closet, saluted us and walked out.
i told her she would have to blow me everytime we lost a game of beer pong, she never noticed i purposely hit our opponents in the face every other shot
he went down on me with a nose plug on, you tell me how it went
I'm pretty sure my moms getting nailed in the bathroom right now while I'm chaperoning. God damn it.
Somehow I magically turned down a threesome last night. On my birthday. You're a horrible wingman.
He broke up with his gf yesterday so he could give me our annual Christmas sex at midnight.
Marry him. Now.
She gave you a handy in the bar and you were surprised she was good with a dick?
Hahah good point
Sex in a hot air balloon, top that one!
You drunkenly told one of the campus security guards that you liked his headset. In return he introduced himself, lit your cig, and told us that if anyone was giving us shit to call and ask for him... Best campus security ever.
I had to explain to an ER nurse that I burned my dick playing onion ring toss today, your social awkwardness hardly compares.
My professor is wearing skinny jeans, orange socks and just said penetration. I don't know what to think
I get so pissed when there is something that NEEDS to be made fun of and you're not here.
Fucker was flying a Bruins flag. He can pick up the dog's poop himself.
Randomize
