Why did I cab home last night?
Because you said you were drunk, sad, and someone called you a hooker.
I have so many mobile devices now, I only use my laptop for porn.
New. Vanessa hudgens nude pics
That text made me feel like i signed up for some awesome celeb nude pic reminder
Also, on a completely related note, just came up with an awesome business plan. You in?
she insisted i was the anonymous guy on formspring that kept asking to bang her
Clearly I went along with it
it was like he was trying to blow his nose in my vagina
she said 'i love fried rice', threw a condom at me and passed out naked.
i jus dunped the rest of my drink down the sink and tool my bra off. pretty sure this is the best decision for everybody.
I just pulled a handful of rice out of my pocket.
There is ecstasy everywhere. Get over here right no5w. The 5 is silent.
shit went down at the bar when this girl with 'morals' totally cock blocked a married guy. she actually kicked IN the bathroom door when they were fucking in there. then we all did shots.
ERIN AND I ARE GETTING MATCHING VIBRATORS. I'M PEER PRESSURING YOU INTO JOINING THE CLUB. Besides we're the three best friends that anyone could have, you better not ruin that by being a pussy and not treating your pussy to awesomeness. That is all.
there is vomit in the pocket of my dress coat. i remember thinking "this is a weird place to puke" at some point in the evening, but i dont understand how i did this.
I have tan lines from my nipple rings.
he went to the bathroom at 5am only to come back and squeeze my boob before going back to sleep
I woke up on some strangers couch covered in salad mix and oatmeal cream pies. The struggle is absolutely real.
Randomize