In honor of tonight, my penis will make an appearance
My TA just came over to give us drugs. Now he's drinking grey goose with my roommate and explaining his thesis to her. This is too much.
If it snows I'm just gonna sit at my house in my costume and drink beer by myself all night.
Update: I only have one shoe. The other one now belongs to the gods of jello-wrestling. May it rest in peace.
Stop thinking your God dude. You passed out. God doesn't pass out...
She told me she's into girls now. I told her there would be a full bottle of jäger and an empty bed here Friday.
candyland with pharmaceuticals ... what could go wrong
Me and my bruised tit have to wake up at 4 AM.
Fyi, shaking your genitals at me doesn't count as "trying to have sex".
I can no longer play with you. I puked on my feet in the shower. I'm too old for this.
Don't date the locals. They're all tainted.
I wasn't supposed to sleep w him. So of course I sent him gps location to my bed.
she stuffed her marc jacobs purse full of cereal
classy
so i was thinking... those 6 am shots weren't really needed.
There were 16 girls and 31 titties. That’s how the club was. Lance doesn’t get to decide ever again.
Randomize
