11:03 p.m. Whats a lie i you lovn me. Let's cuddle.
I cont stop tolking in a british axsent
He skyped me to learn how to roll a joint and for us to masturbate together. And you said a long distance relationship wouldn't work.
Casually brushing the Bacardi out of my hair. It's a good time to ponder regretting everything that happened last night.
She said she wants to move in with me. Time to black out and act as if we never had this conversation.
How are you a firefighter? People actually trust you with their lives??
A man bought two 40's from me, then asked if I had duct tape. How do people over 50 know about Edward 40hands? It was very weird.
I know it basically makes me the worst feminist ever, but I don't want to kill my own spiders. And I will pay my personal spider hit man with sammiches and unlimited , uninhibited access to my vagina.
my dad pointed to my full beer and said drink up we're leaving now.
can you adopt me?
I just really don't even know what I would do with a boyfriend... Like do I just kiss it and then leave it in the corner? Like how often does it eat??
In 2014 only three boys have seen my boobs so far
you made cordon bleu at 4am and declared you were Marshall Stewart
WHAT IS MY LIFE THAT THE ONLY PERSON INTERESTED IN FUCKING ME IS MY 6TH GRADE MATH TEACHER
She just called at a dance party, and you stopped mid puke to join. Another successful night.
Theres a handprint of sauce on my fridge, one on my face, and a trail of it leading to my bedroom, and sauce all in my bed, and I have no idea what the fuck i ate.
Starting to realize that fucking everyone I come across isn't the most... "adult"... coping method.
Randomize
