I'll let you put expensive food in me, but really, not much else.
do you know why i have a volvo grill taped to the back of my car?
There's a level of bonding between people at the liquor store at 10:30 in the morning that's unrivaled
The kid taped his penis down so that he wouldn't get a boner while dancing with girls. Oh these middle school man whores never cease to amaze me.
On my way to the DMV to get arrested
You won’t make it to November. A 21st bday and Halloween in the same night has shitshow/ jail written all over it. So I call dibs on that tall guy
Walking into the first day of college is like walking into a meat market. A meat market of sex.
Idk I somehow continue to get laid by pulling my dick out and reciting the 3 world country orphan kid commercials
I put my hydrocodone prescription in my cereal box its like real lucky charms
I'm at a loss. By loss I mean singing songs from Wicked and pretending I'm at the Oscars
Can I fire a pigeon out of a t shirt gun?
Well my mom knows that the welt I had on my forehead last month was the result of a sex accident. This holiday sucks
I don't care how many things you caught on fire, it's still not as bad as doing coke and then filming yourself having sex.
Yup we found her. The bouncer was carrying her out
I'm reading fall out boy fanfic. What has my life come to.
Randomize
