Just woke up wearing a top hat and simpsons boxers. i also found more money in my wallet then what i had before going out, about $1000 more
no, he came in my armpit
He quoted an N'sync song to confess his attraction to me. Needless to say, I had sex with him.
The smartest thing I've heard Obama do is call Kayne West a jackass
You know how i spent all of black friday on the plane? Well guess who's getting a x-mas gift from skymall?!!??
Dude, she's just using you for your money, and Cavs tickets.
Honestly, what else do I have going for me?
You make a valid point.
I just passed on expense account drinking, this must be the worst hangover ever.
I woke up at 3am naked and stroking a watermelon.
My hanfda are one with the u niverse and I am cirretnly inhaling a couch
Turns out the creepy dude who bought us tequila shots was the friend of a friend who then got us a table and several large bottles of champagne.
Never judge a man by his mustache.
I might go to an NA meeting just to fuck that boy in the bathroom.
Oh my god I need an adult
Wait shit I am an adult
I passed up getting laid last night. It's almost been a YEAR - what the Hell was I thinking, being so choosy??
I woke up with a shot glass nestled between my boobs like a baby bird.
the universe is starting to freak me out.. ive now had sex with 3 people who were born on the same day..
Randomize
