but i really can't criticize. i blacked out waaaaaay ahead of schedule.
When I asked if she spit or swallow she replied "I never learned how to spit"
I am SOOO high
tell me about your high
HUGE THUMBTACKS
just saw an anti-abortion rally outside of the courthouse...so naturally i tossed them out a coat hanger i found in my car
I didn't ride the struggle bus so much as drive it backwards off a cliff.
I almost itched my nose with the lit end of a cigarette. Help.
If that's all it takes to cure your hangovers then you need to drink more.
I've replaced you with thin mints and masturbation
I was going down on her and she started whistling "Whistle while you work." I'm in love.
There's a stripper getting there at 10 though so hopefully I'm out before the stripper gets there. I don't have time to deal with a stripper.
that game of battleshots got way too fucking intense. why does the couch have burn marks now.
I'm deleting Tinder. I got there he rubbed my back and then proceeded to jerk off on me.
What, so now you are his nutritionist and his fuck buddy?
How was your night?
I spent a lot of money and drank a lot of booze. Also was part of a successful search party
I know you're here! I can hear your phoneeeee. Wake up and do illegal things with me.
Randomize
