You wouldn't stop asking the hibachi cook if his knife was a hattori hanzo
well..after leaving the bar you handed me your wallet and said you didnt need it cause you were going to find the cash cab and added 'i'll see you on tv'
The sweet smell of jungle juice and bad decisions is calling our name.
tell that swedish kid i didnt take his shotgun. he GAVE it to me.
i woke up to the sound of my roommate climbing onto my desk mumbling that she was going to bed
... why is there a bottle of pee on my headboard?
she shotgunned a can of v8, threw the can on the ground and said, "fuck bitches get money" then passed out on the spot
There is nothing wrong with me introducing you as elephant dick. Nothing.
He's gonna be like you slept with too many of my friends and you're being voted off the island haha
It wasn't exactly a dick pic. It was more like a body shot with a hint of wiener.
*swallows 40 gallons of heavy water and astral projects into buzzfeed* Top Ten Reasons Why I Am God
Did we just second hand smoke crack?
you do realize the next step is naked mud wrestling, right?
I was the only one in group sessions to bring up sex as a stress reliever. Some of those people were awfully judgy despite the fact we were all in a psych ward.
The whole country is going to hell in a handbasket but I got a grade A fucking and don't particularly care.
Randomize
