Condoms? Check. Glitter? Check. Fuck me pumps? Double check. Dignity? No where to be found. I'm about to homewreck the shit out of that dumb bitch.
I've been meaning to talk to you about your lack of self-respect these days and the toll it's taking on your vagina.
you kept screaming that dicks were growing out of your back and then you started crying cause they were so far from your vag
could you get any more awkward?
I don't care if he acts like a don't exist 6 days a week. On the 7th day he makes makes my vagina cry. In a good way. Jesus understands.
the vast amounts of cleavage i'm sporting to my final says "no, I didn't study but don't worry I've got something lined up for when I don't graduate".
I just got kidnapped by the rugby team for a scavenger hunt. I'm "the girl you had sex with last night"
I don't think we should have started that trash fire
Bought two parrots for us. I'm keeping them at the Bellagio.
His penis will pick the quickest route to vagina. it's like an biological onstar.
may or may not have figured out a way to make my mom a drug mule to bring me ecstasy...
As I came the Sportcenter app played that "dah nuh nuh" chime. Top ten life highlight?
We're snowed in with only two condoms. This will literally be valentines day russian roullette.
So, what my linguistics project should really be called is "I happen to sleep/makeout with a lot of bilinguals and am now using them to help me graduate"
So when he asked me to go on a date tonight, I didn't think the words "have you tried a suppository" would be part of the evening.
If body pillows had a built in vibrator attached I would literally never need a boyfriend again
half way down the stairs my legs said fuck this and i just fell the rest of the way...
Randomize
