then she came back into the room with a neckbrace on. i thought she was getting ready for the pounding of a lifetime.
Prostitute standing on the corner thrusting at cars as they drive by. New marketing strategy?
Measuring your booze intake in glasses is like measuring Rosie O'Donnell's weight in ounces.
He told me he was a psychology major, and I responded by asking him where he hid his vagina.
A true measure of a good friend is how long she responds to her friends drunken illogical texts. Youre a champ.
I keep reminding myself that my vagina isn't a homeless shelter.
Listen. I'm a changed woman. I have no problem using him for sex.
Just orgasmed in traffic. Starting to have feelings for my commute.
Also I'm very proud of th fact that I walked my dog before bed. Drunk dog walking should be an Olympic sport; it takes SKILLS.
The sun and I are not on speaking terms this morning
His flight is delayed. Mother Nature is delaying me from sex.
But I'm currently thinking of all my bad decision making last night and giving myself a time out.
Im so glad I make morally wrong decisions. It's like the best worst thing I've ever done.
The only people allowed to make me cry are myself and Chris Hemsworth as Thor. And me.
So here I am, sexting at work.
Randomize
