It's noon and i am somehow drinking by myself in a jazz tent in broad daylight.
I'm not going to need your "it doesn't mean you're a slut" pep talk after all.
i'm way too high for it to be safe that i just discovered i have a fire extinguisher
I'm gonna be a few minutes late, some asshole just fell off the ferry so we had to stop.
Dancing naked to Celine dion - im alive. No better way to start the day
If I drank a glass of water for every drink I had I'd die of water intoxication like some tweaked out looser at a rave
Mistakes were made. Hot mistakes that I want to make again. But tapping your employee is def a mistake. Esp in front of two other employees.
Just walked into the library with a case of Strawberitas in hand.. no one said a word.. I think they were just impressed I knew where the library was
Saved a second guy who was crying/on the verge of wigging out. Just call me the drug whisperer.
Lady Gaga is doing the 1/2 time show. I hope it's gay and liberal as fuck.
You stumbled in the door as high as a kite, & ran into the table. I asked you if you were all right. You replied with "I don't have any soup."
Whenever I have a bad day I just look at the negetive pregnancy test I keep in my purse and remind myself things could be alot worse.
I would climb him like a jungle gym. Enthusiastically and creatively.
I have just discovered the land of milk and honey. and by milk i mean vodka and by honey i mean tequila.
It’s a prereq for med school, so I hope the professor likes blow jobs
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