remember tomorrow: you burned the inside of your nose with incense. it hurt.
i'm having a wet tshirt contest with myself and yet i'm still losing
i'm going through the NYU 2014 group looking for future drunken hookups. too slutty?
you convinced me to pee myself because I was wearing dark jeans.
I don't even have to turn the heat on in my car. Just fart the whole way home.
i should have probably stopped drinking when my beer pong shots were hitting the other team in the face..
yeah thats usually a good indication.
He went down on me while I had rollers in my hair. I've never felt more like a lady.
I only had sex with him so I could try to steal his roommate's cat, what kind of girl do you think I am?
I think my body knows it's dying and is just shutting down
I literally just ordered a gold medal online that is engraved with his name, "01.01.16", and "BEST SEX EVER"
I tried to feed the cat bread. I told her it was the body of Christ. That seemed to work.
You don't have a cat...
No one with a hairstyle like that is allowed to insult anyone for anything
Not sure who they are or where we're going but they just bought me 3 tacos so I'm staying.
EVEN AFTER ALL THAT COMPLAINING... STILL NO PENIS
Just got my LSAT score...if you need me I'll be drunk in a ditch somewhere.
Randomize
