This row in front of you is like duck, duck, goose - but eating disorder, eating disorder, failed eating disorder
if creeping was an olympic sport, i would be a lock for the gold right now.
And then I have a slight inkling that I went up to the bar and tried to order the bartender.
every single kid we've ever known, every single person we've gotten blow jobs from, every single person we've hit home runs with... is at dennys right now
Not cool at all. Last night I organized my condoms by expiration date. I need to get laid.
Only you can can turn Jenga into a drinking and then a sex game.
Nothing like buying a handle and a 36 pack with a baby strapped on.
This morning I got out of bed 4 HOURS LATE, made eggs with a plastic beach shovel, and then ate them using pens like chopsticks in my bed with my turtle. Obviously, I am not in the mood to be proactive with my life today...
The ketchup exploded, and totally splooged his face and the wall. You could see the outline of his head in the wall splatter.
Thinking of someone think of me while masturbating while I masturbate. & that's how the over thinkers do it ✌️
this relationship shit is hard. like i'd like to be able to watch veep without him trying to dry hump me. also im drunk and its 11 am so
Well yeah. Plus. My dick looks awful. So I would need to do some extreme makeover dick edition before even starting something so ridiculous.
I'm alone, 3 beers in, and cutting tshirts into belly tops.
He's a college graduate, has an excellent job, and respects his family. To say nothing of his 8.5 inch cock. His narcolepsy not withstanding...I'm marrying this motherfucker.
I need to leave my mind and my stupid vagina are having fight over who's right
Randomize
