Call me so I can make it juicy for ya
I think its a sure sign I need to get laid when every cloud in the sky looks like a penis.
I woke up this morning really drunk with my Christmas lights on and two owls in my bed.
So she comes up to me at the end of the night and asks me if I going to take her home and fuck her. I pretty much had to right?
you had an obligation.
I need to remember that good judgment goes out the window after the 7th shot and the 3rd Lady GaGa song.
Woke up with puke in my bed and my pockets full of Tootsie Rolls.
Jealous.
i have only one word for you: 3somewithnorwegiangirls
We should live in a duplex and just hook up with randoms for the rest of forever and be animal hoarders.
Everything sucks i just wanna cry and smoke a bowl and pet my cat and die. All at the same time
There's a bag in my room with garbage, a thong, fritos, and an electrical cord. I'm assuming it's yours
........yyyyyyeah that's me
No fucking judgements. You know me. Chinese food vent sessions are safe places.
I guess I'll just chalk it up as a learning experience and a lot of great sex.
A drunk and bleeding peter is knocking on your door... in nothing more than a sombrero, boxers and cowboy boots.
I accidentally put Bacardi in my coffee this morning. I ain't even mad.
The highlight of my week is I found some hetero porn I didn't completely hate. Branching out.
Randomize
