don't go home with that guy from jersey
i know, not worth the blood test
The last thing I remeber was convincing you to hide in the fridge, and then taking everything out and you not fitting.
I'm not sure how exactly, but this funeral has turned into a ridiculous night of drinking games
If you bring me a slurpee and advil I will eat you out for like an hour.
I joked that if anyone could fuck a 35 year old woman while wearing head bands and arm sweat bands it's you and look what happens.
I just want a sensitive guy who will get drunk with me then take me out to steal things. Is that too much to ask?
I STILL HAVE A HARD TIME DECIDING WHAT TO WEAR IN THE MORNING HOW WOULD IT BE POSSIBLE FOR ME TO PICK A PAIR OF PANTS AND GO OH ILL JUST WEAR THESE FOR THE REST OF MY LIFE
Good news, my sex bruises are fading. Bad news, my boobs look like I have a skin disease because of it.
Btw had an awesome time last night. Found some blood on my shirt and ear but I'll chalk it up to the tequila shots.
The moment I said this burrito on my nuts feels really good is the moment I knew I was drunk
He was so drunk we almost didn't even make it to his place because he didn't know where he lived
Also, feel like I need to install a nanny cam to remind myself what I did the night before.
are you drinking tonight?
I have an exam tomorrow
so yes.
My liver is going to reject life during Greek Week
How many liver transplants can a person have? Bc you may need a couple
I just puked in a chili’s bathroom... happy birthday to me
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