she's naming her girl london marie
that kid will be born with a tramp stamp
After I tried for five minutes to hang my beer from the coat hanger in the bathroom , I have realized I am drunk
That's a really weird place to spoon. Especially if there are more accessible places to spoon. Like a bathtub.
My head weighs 7 pounds. i know this because i spent the majority of the night passed out in the bathroom, using the scale as a pillow.
i'm pretty sure i saw my life flash before my eyes when we ran a red light. i continued to drink and be the drunk backseat driver.
I don't remember anything but yelling at the ref in Spanish.
I got a phone call from security asking me to do my laundry wearing more than a blanket next time.
Ugh. my cast still smells like fermenting hot tub water and bad decisions.
No, I did not fuck him for football tickets. I fucked him for tickets to the superbowl. I'm not that much of a slut.
Its only 9:11 and I just somersaulted through a window. Its gonna be a good night
Well I'm currently debating between getting toilet paper or getting my eyebrows waxed so... There's that
She seems less like a roommate, and more like a homeless person who snuck into your apartment.
You know how I said I hit my head so hard I saw two of him and tried to make out with both? Well, it turns out he has a twin.
Most people would agree that it IS in fact slutty to give someone head for free ice cream.
Hypothetical question: Would it be wrong to tell the annoying children who don't listen to their parents that the motel is haunted?
Randomize
