some guy just asked me if water gets in a vag when girls take a bath. WTF. it's not a wind tunnel!
Last night you tried to pee on my bed...in the hallway...your room...and the showers. When I finally got you on the toilet you passed out.
Is today national text-a-girl-whose-had-your-dick-in-her-mouth day and I just wasn't aware?? I am getting the most random "just saying hey" texts ever and that's the only common denominator.
i have this gut feeling friday is going to be interesting.\nAnd by interesting I mean I feel like im going to get punched in the face by his girlfriend.
As i looked at his penis, it stared back into my soul. No more drinking games.
I feel like a color. Like a wavy color
And I feel like pitchers of margaritas accidentally make it down your throat a lot.
I mean, the lady at the Mexican restaurant insisted. She said she would win a prize if she sold another pitcher before noon. And plus I got to wear a sombrero
There are reggae songs being written about me...where have I gone wrong in life?
I can't feel my clothes. I'm convinced I'm naked
My mom just told me my dad shaves his pubes while drunk and I don't know how to feel anymore.
somehow I feel like "adventures with cocaine and molly" wouldn't be an appropriate "How I Spent My Spring Break" essay topic.
Apparently I blamed my BAC on the Saint Louis Cardinals...how is that not a valid excuse?!
You know how last week before we left I was drinking outta that blue cup and I left it sitting across the road. Well, it hadn't moved and my family just found it, brought it inside and cleaned it. I think this cup is my soulmate.
Sean just lit a cig with his taser..... I am in awe
When you wanted to give that guy at McDonalds your number you asked the cashier if you could borrow "a pen or just like a straw with his blood on it". He gave you a pen.
Randomize
