I wanna eat
then frost
then eat your cupcake
just got my girl scout cookies. wanna get high?
Some guy offered you 100 bucks last night to suck your toes. I had to drag you away while you were yelling at me, "Stop money cock blocking me!"
That's just where I'm at in my life.
Ok how about tonight me and you get laid together. Same girl. Then she signs our dicks.
As weird as it sounds I would totally be down
I wish i could just live off of margaritas and good sex.
Why can't people give useful wedding gifts...like sex swings or Nutella?
He bought me a burrito. I introduced him as "Horse-Dicked Jake" all night. My debt has been repaid.
You got pulled on stage by a stripper who wore ruffled ankle socks and did jumping jacks for her dance. Then you were put in a chokehold by a security guard that almost cried because you supposedly said "fuck you!" to him.
I feel like every man should aspire to get a blowjob from a sword swallower.
Be my booze princess bebe. I'll rescue you from the lame tidings you are confined to up in the sober castle.
Also I would love to pregame at your place if I weren't stuck at mine drinking laxatives
He got in a shopping cart outside of home depot and insisted we push him down a flight of stairs. For science.
What are we just gonna be those girls that get fucked in your parents basement and not get taken to dinner? I don't wanna be those girls.
I would rather contract a disease that would eat me from the inside out and make me suffer painfully while it slowly killed me than to put myself through the 20 minutes of agony that is having sex with you ever ever again.
I think you're talking dirty but I'm not sure???
He fucked me so hard my contacts fell out! Didnt know that was possible.
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