Hey. Did u tell any1 that I use Nuvaring?
Cuz 1 of ur bf's frat bros just asked me if I wanted to "play ring toss later"
And then she said "sorry if my vagina smells like fish, it's just active."
I think hes settled down now. He's just licking the walls and the windows.
I want to see you in more than a weed delivering capacity
Ice cream: Good. Fraternity: Good. Eating ice cream off a Skid Row bum's ass crack in order to get into a Fraternity: Homoerotic at best. I quit.
Thank god for makeup because it looks like someone took a shit on my face
I was just informed that I have the perfect belly button for body shots... Best compliment ever.
Playing nyquil pong with a cat again
He made me brush his hair afterwards because it made him feel like a ken Barbie.
God I hope the sex was good.
You pole danced in your parka.
there's an entire drinking game devoted to nobody liking her face
Are you drunk already?
Not already - at LAST.
You peed in a public fountain and then felt bad so you put dish soap in it; 4 ft tall bubbles.
After the "sex" was over I dressed as quickly as possible. And then he came over to me stark naked and embraced me. For over a minute. And all I could think was please get your penis off my dress.
Got upgraded to First Class and now I’ve got the whole Pacific Ocean to seduce the very hot gentleman sitting next to me!!! Door closing, wish me luck!
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