I just spent the last two hours on the phone with Emily trying to explain to her how to finger herself.
You supply the liquor and I'll "accidently" forget my bathing suit.
Deal!
She pulled a cheeseburger out of her purse. I have missed her so much.
Birthday Treasure Hunt was to follow the clues. At each spot there was a stick on tattoo and a shot and at the end there was 2 cases of beer. I have 13 tattoos and don't remember turning 18.
I just want to let you know that when you try and lie about the "solid 10" you brought home last night, I've got a picture of her and about 10 reasons you should have left her at the bar starting with those martin scorsese eyebrows.
He expects to fuck my tits but will ignore me in public.
Preparing for the bar exam has made my whatever disorder you said I have act up again
I hope you get your threesome on vday. I'll probably get flowers and a candlelit dinner. trade you. I wish this guy was more of a slut and had less of a heart. I would like 2 dicks please fuck your flowers!
I'm batshit crazy. I don't know how you guys keep forgetting that
I'm in his bed with no pants on and he's just eating a sloppy joe
I got so drunk last night I took a ice bath with my mother in law
OMFG. JUST WALKED IN ON A DUDE JERKING IT IN THE MCDONALDS BATHROOM
Stall or urinal?
Last night I had a dream that a man with an ice cream body entered a bicycle throwing contest and won.
Can u pick up some lemons on the way? I have Tequila and a sore throat..I need them for both
PSA Do not blow dry your junk.
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