areee we human. . .oorrr areee we dancerssssss?!
you srsly need to quit going to that bar
wait, did i just see you litter out your window??
umm, i have a hybrid. it cancels out.
I'll probably hate you when I'm sober
she told me her fantasy was her as a 55 year old cook at a truck stop who smokes a pack a day, and I was the 21 year old illegal immigarnt prep cook.
I feel fat after drinking my meal replacement shake.
I added chocolate sauce, a bsg of m&ms and a crushed up brownie to make it taste better.
I have 11 glasses of water and one beer on the table infront of me. Have to keep going to different bartends to get more. There are only two though and I think they've caught on
I'm pretty sure the guy she brought home is a polish porn star..
I won't go into too much detail about this but you should probably wash your sheets. In bleach. Or just burn them. Thanks for letting me sleep in your bed bro. Enjoy scotland.
After they flagged you, you hid in a bathroom stall and text me to bring you more shots. That kind of drunk.
My mom said she saw you at the grocery store. Said you looked like you were "headed for a Lindsay Lohan quarter life crisis of sorts"
My Captain America poster fell down. Cap is disappointed in my life decisions.
My idiot ex texted me on Valentine's day to tell me I was right, he did need a therapist.
THAT'S MY GIRL
KICKING BUT AND GETTING PEOPLE INTOXICATED
There are way too many people I have fucked in this class for this not to be awkward
I woke up with a pillow, shampoo and a plant in my fridge. Eggs in the toilet, and I was wearing three pairs of girls underwear. What happened last night
Randomize
