You know it's an interesting night when you drunkenly scream at your boss, "You'd make a HORRIBLE OBGYN!! You're hands are ENORMOUS!"
I lost my virginity in that bed. You just layed in history.
I couldnt decide if i wanted to pee first or vomit. So i Peed sideways while throwing up into the tub.
And yes, in case u were wondering a 25 year old high school agriculture teacher did just hit on me At Walmart bc of my pinata
I feel like death gave me a hand job
I am self-sufficient. I puked in a wine glass and emptied it in the trash. Points for style and neatness
He referred to his penis as "a gentle giant" and said I had offended it
and here comes the time of my day when I haw to convince a guy to drive my cape and my handle to my dorm.
My bank account got hacked so he showed up with a 6 pack wearing a superman cape to cheer me up and you question why I love him?
saw a dude wearin soccer cleats at the bar tonight. fuckin kiddin me man?
I just remember banging him and then at some point I went and took a shower and went and laid in the closet
I need to you to send me drugs via FedEx
Yes. I masterbate to Harry Potter. It's what our generation does.
My goal tonight is to be arrested by the Police Women of Cincinnati.
Hey! Its not the first time I've been eaten out in a bridesmaids dress in a church by a groomsman!
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