Kirsten Dunst is sitting next to me in a bar in NYC
Tell her I want my money back for Elizabethtown.
Picture Ja Rule and 50 Cent having a sexy full grown love child son...He's on my bus right now, wearing an outside jacket with no shirt underneath. My fashion sense and libido are fighting it out.I'll keep you posted on who wins.
come pick me up. please. i just puked in my lap. bring pants.
He went soft
Wait. During?
Yeah, he was IN. MY. MOUTH.
whats the proper etiquette for returning a closet door to a random girl you met and do not know her name?
i really need to stop putting makeup on my cats..
I remember convincing the limo driver to smoke with us and if he did I would name my first son after him.
I was fingering her, she was moaning, and we were singing Mulan
how you manage to cockblock me from 500 miles away still baffles me.
Do you ever just look at me and get embarrassed?
If I'm not up by 8, will you please knock on my door?
That depends, can you stop texting me while you're masturbating?
Touche.
I CAN STILL HEAR YOUR VIBRATOR.
We spilled a whole bottle of mouth wash and then proceeded to roll around and make out in it. At least I smell minty fresh.
hey your mom heard me say to her " That right your not going to Shit right for a month"
There's a chance I told a cop that I was ready for him to strip I may have even taken some ones out of my purse and stuck them in his holster
You drunk? Cause I have a terrible idea...
Randomize
