6 figure salary? he just got a little cuter.
I was sitting behind this girl in class and she logged out of her facebook, hacked into her boyfriends, and then proceeded to check his inbox. This is why I'm single.
if you can see her tanning goggle line that's officially a deal breaker
i think im the only person who makes thank you cards for their drug dealer
Great parenting moment: noticing your kid is going to puke from gorging fish sticks and sending her outside. Then watching her puke on your dog.
We waited til after. Not even drunk sex felt right during a Disney movie.
My cock is literally on the edge of falling off. Fuck Vegas.
He told her hed rather go bobbing for apples in puke than have sex with her.
We had to leave after he was in the middle of the street yelling "Balls of Steeeeeeeeel!!"
And before you knew it they were calling me the pussy usher or something like that
This Alex the guy who suck your belly ring
Dude, you need better judgement.Trust me I know. I put my dick in the wrong mouths all the time
His family, without saying anything, started a game of quarters the moment the drinks arrived. I love them. If only I didn't hate him so much.
Why are your pants in the freezer?
I just found three upside down bottles of grapejuice in a triangle around the air freshener above my toilet... I guess it was one of those nights
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