I just masturbated at work. Does that make me a prostitute since i just technically got paid to have sex?
is it bad if my mug shot looks better than my profile picture?
Just saw a white stretch Hummer limo outside of CiCi's pizza. Way to live up to the stereotypes, Alabama.
That explains waking up with one hand in the toilet and the other in the trash can
I don't understand why everytime I fuck his bestfriend he seems more interested in me...
She went into the basement and sang to my cat for three hours....she actually has a beautiful voice....
I hope he doesn't find the chex mix when he takes my shirt off.
I can't even masturbate anymore!! That was my last source of cardio!!
I don't like sad things. I do like drinking though
I like how my motivation to lose weight is so I can wear a nude bikini and get covered in body paint for the tribal party. Priorities.
Ok so I didn't mean for his first impression of me to be lying face down on his roommates bedrooms floor throwing up my jäger but it happened. Atleast my ass looked good in those jeans. Think I still have a shot?
I'm pretty sure I smell like alcoholism and shame. And it's not a pretty scent.
It was pretty awesome. I drank out of a stein and attempted to dance to dubstep with some older guys in leiderhosen.
All right well I’m making her sugar cookies and sleeping with her husband tonight. Just another manic Monday
The cat hopped on my bed and watched me masturbate naked with a vibrator. I've never felt more sorry in my entire life
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