i'm watching degrassi (go figure) and the episode is about jimmy not being able to get a boner and now he's famous and rapping about popping pussies..i dont get it.
Why do my orgasm prompt her to begin using babytalk EVERYTIME?!
I just farted for five sidewalk sections! New personal best.
sitting next to michael phelps in the airport. wonder if he's carrying...
I'm watching the Australian Open. They need to slow the fuck down. It's hard enough to follow sober and now it's just pissing me off.
Bring my lunch to work in liquor store bags is doing nothing for my career
You know were out to late when I call my hook up at 8:08pm and 8:08am in the same night.
Does the blue bra belong to your sister or cousin?
I'm really proud of myself for not blacking out yet this weekend!
It's a Thursday.
He's bought his dick a cell phone. A cell phone. For his dick...
He gave me the number and told me that I if I want to hook up again, I have to call his penis.
Everyone was in jail by 10:30. I'd say it was a successful bachelor party.
First time since we broke up that I'm not drunk before noon...win for broken hearts everywhere
WHEN THE HELL DOES ANYTHING IN OUR LIVES *EVER* GO AS PLANNED???
Goal: finish my bio assignment before the Xanax kicks in.
looked it up online and zoo tickets are only 20 bucks and there's also a museum of science close to the hotel.
i'm not going to a FUCKING museum. i want to be wasted and possibly double penetrated... have you EVER been on vacation?
Randomize
