So... how did lowering your standards work out last night?
what do people who dont have blackberrys do while they poop?
He passed out so we kept throwing water on him, he got excited and asked if we were at the wave pool.
i'm glad we've gotten to the point in our relationship where I can eat peach rings off your penis.
There are too many people and smells in this elevator for my hangover to handle.
Tequila me may have very bluntly told him that I wanted to touch his abs.
I think I'm just going to up-end a bottle of wine and look through pictures of what my life used to be.
Is it socially acceptable to break up with someone over snapchat?
I lost the back to your old name tag last night in a girls shirt. It got me a view of some titties though, I guess in some way you're still doing your brotherly deeds
all a girl really needs is a few good pair of leggings and a drug dealer that delivers.
As soon as we had sex he stopped opening doors for me. That wasn't an exchange. Im still a god damn princess
I'm actually kind of scared about the prospect of us living together. We're just going to eat pizza and drink wine before retiring to our rooms with vibrators
Nothing has ever been more true. Ever.
Status: mom bitching about grandma not shutting the fuck up, while not shutting the fuck up. Dear Jesus give me strength or more bourbon.
Why did the sexual harassment class show a clip from frozen?
There are way too many people I have fucked in this class for this not to be awkward
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