There was a point where some of my friends attempted 'moi's', which stands for makeout on introduction.
It involved going up to women and very aggressively trying to make out with them upon meeting them
Surprisingly the success rate was exceedingly high
I woke up this morning wearing my tux shirt and jacket, but no pants.
______ was pissed. My breath tastes like tequila and doritos, and I couldn't get it up.
Did I tell you he has dinosaur sheets?
she said if she won the lottery she'd fuck me... isn't that like government funded prostitution?
i just opened up my bathroom cabinet to get deodorant and found 4 bottles of natty. Its like the world wants me to miss this interview
I think she's a little more wasted than usual. She just crawled on the floor to tell mom it was time to take a shot.
security doesn't like it when we pee on cars. or maybe just not theirs?
THAT FUCKER WASTED TWO OF MY COLORED CONDOMS! HE DIDN'T EVEN FUCKING FINISH IN IT HE JUST SLAPPED IT ON AND WASTED IT!
My mother just made an innapropriate gesture with a cucumber while grocery shopping at whole foods... Then she said "bitches love cucumbers" and all this time i thought i was adopted
My new hobby is moving his stuff to random places in the house. Good luck making a smoothing at 6:30 in the morning, the blender top's in the dog food container
I don't like how my gyno is telling me how to live my life.
He came back with a Butterfinger and vibrator batteries. There's no refusing him now.
Also I'd apologize for texting you flipping my shit about the science of hair growth while I was shrooming last night but we know each other better than that
...this is why fuck buddies should be only for grownups.
On a scale of one to 10 how Risky is it to sleep with a married man (all morals set aside)
Randomize