im officially scared..,i finally realized who my boyfriend reminds me of! spencer pratt
so, just learned that EVERYONE heard pretty much everything last night. my roommates were surprised to learn you're a dirty talker.
Sleeping with two different guys who share a driveway is getting increasingly challenging to keep secret
Remind me tomorrow that I was taking shots of burnetts in the subway line while placing my order
I would have screamed and cried and bled and shit and then died. Fuck that guy.
I'm driving while wearing hulk hands
How am I feeling this morning? Well, besides the fact that my vagina looks like a pair of giraffe's lips and I'm walking like an over-confident cowgirl, I'm fantastic. Thanks for your concern.
The things I do for you. Not that I'm unhappy about it. I'm just saying you should love me.
Did you sleep with him again?
No! I just led him to believe that I would if he gets me booze. Do I have that little class that you have such minimal faith in me?
Of course the first guy who sees my nipple piercings is a Catholic from Nebraska who won't do anything but dry hump me.
A homeless man gave him a blanket and an ambulance drove him to sarahs...
I have experienced an excessively hairy ballsack in my mouth...and it was horrifying. I keep feeling it in my mouth now. It's like hairy ball PTSD.
I just look at my butt and see so much potential.
The fake number she gave me was for Pappa John's. Now I have a large pepperoni on the way.
I'm going to invent an ap that tests your stress levels before texting and will say something like "nope, go rub one out and try again in 10 min"
You're gonna be sprawled out basking in the sun working on your tan like a ridiculously hot iguana, and I'm gonna be here bundled up in about 72 layers just so I don't freeze my dick off looking like the Michelin man's gay cousin
i apologize, I may have called you an iguana
Mistakes were made
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