I thought I was riding a bike, but I guess it was a vacuum cleaner
do you know why "how to shave your balls" is bookmarked on my computer?
I woke up with a crunchy, pink Pepto streak through my hair, no recollection of the last 6 hours of my night and the feeling that all the hotel's staff knew me on a first name basis.
Just got an email from TMobile. Said they were going to pursue "more qualified" candidates. So this is what rock bottom feels like.
She called herself a train and then took off all her clothing. I forget everything after that.
I saw you two flinging Jello at the sidewalk if that helps jog your memory.
You kept saying "sir officer" which would have been polite and helped you if it wasn't a female. She was pissed.
I'm sorry for peeing on your door. But it was your decision to open it.
Im in his room watching him sleep. Im going to try and jerk off and not get caught by the nurse.
And there might be a gallon of sangria without the lid on the floor in your room. Just be careful when you open the door.
Dude, they are shaking the RV, yell at them. It feels like i'm being rocked to sleep, I don't like it, I'm not a baby.
He's going to find out eventually, but really what's he going to do? Cry about it and buy another fucking kitten??
The zombie version of you bit my friend's hand. No more zombie crawl for you. Not ever.
The boob job was worth every penny just to see the expression of pure joy on his face the first time he saw them.
"hahahaha" is not a sufficient reply when I tell you my mother laughed at a joke about me giving blowjobs.
So I hung out with an australian but woke up with a British man in my bed does that make me culturalized
Randomize
