Dude ! Why is there vomit with whole pieces of sushi in the shower when the toilet is not more than 2 feet away ? btw you need to chew your food better,
i was unsuccessful, further solidifying for me that girls should not masturbate.
just got out of a noise viloation because the cop recognized my roomate as his favorite chipotle burrito roller. just another reason I love ritos
Then you jumped off your bed with your arms outstretched, yelled "I'm Goliath, watch out New York!" and then began singing the Gargoyles theme song as you 'soared' around your room.
Don't be ridiculous, the Gargoyles theme song has no words. How could I sing that mess?
You just started going "da da da da da! da da da da da! DA DA!!" then going "swoosh" as you glided about.
She pulled a cheeseburger out of her purse. I have missed her so much.
I don't know what's more sad having a rewards account at a liquor store or already racking up 273 dollar points since january
a lot of self evaluation comes after you have to clean up a trashcan of your own vomit and condoms
Playing a game in life called "how far can I make a man travel for a booty call"
We both bought three foot bongs...going to race to see who can smoke a mile first.
is it weird that I didn't think he was hot last night when I was making out with him but right now I'm Facebook stalking him and think he's really attractive??
your beer goggles are on backwards.
Doing tequila shots with my ex to celebrate that we broke up... not awkward at all.
Dude, I need a lifestyle change. I'm to old to be making out with chicks in foam parties, letting older chicks get all excited because I let them put their hands up my shirt, and running around doing scavenger hunts with 18 yr old chicks.
I'm so proud of us for not dying.
She's gonna be mad if she finds out you put weed in her house warming cookies
That portable toilet under the bed? Turns out it was a tuba. Explains alot.
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