you made a powerpoint titled 'things i've drank tonight' and emailed it to me.
I couldn't tell if those girls from the bar were lesbians or just awesome
She either was great at sex or I finished the whole bottle of svedka my self
And then he tried to clean the throw up off my pants with 409
She didn't need to know her brother was thrown out of a bar for getting head on the dance floor. You're a shit head.
HURRY. I NEED DRUNK. MORE DRUNK.
So on a scale from 1-10 how gross is it that I used mortuary makeup on my own face?
We really gotta change brands again because 2-ply is making us feel like the celebrities we aren't.
Matt's offering to breast feed it.
You yelled "NICE PAJAMAS" at a construction worker wearing a reflective jumpsuit while we rode past on a bike taxi
I think my dove chocolate wrapper just told me to masturbate.
Tried to shave my legs but the rug burn on my knees from last night got in the way.
I don't even care if you were high. The fact that I've been begging for us to have those cinnamon rolls for months and you didn't even save me one is not ok.
We shared a dick. We're practically sisters!
YOU ATE THE FUCKING GOLDFISH!?
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