Yours is on the dinner table...mine is in my underwear drawer.
There was a punch bowl full of straight vodka. Glass bowl, ladle, vodka, and no punch at all. It was something of a rough night
I'm just saying, asking "Are you happy with me?" during a handjob is simply unfair and scientifically inadmissiable.
Tell me you didn't have sex with my dad.
You then proceeded to tell me how good of a cook you were and put raw cookie dough in the champagne.
She just kept saying "bless your heart" to him while he cried because he came so fast. I think a Texas woman was just what he needed
Also, I want you to know, that not only am I apparently the expert on sexting. Our bishop is consulting me later. So my talents are varied.
first thing my tuition money buys is a strap on
I don't know, I kept pretending that I was riding an elephant during. It was actually really fun, but you can't tell him that!
ill be home in an hour. Be in my bed ready for disappointment
Blowing lines in the bathroom and trying to get into the mindset of someone who wants to be at work for 12 hours
I'm 4,715,723% sure I don't give a fuck.
Rolled over in bed this morning and found Nutella and wet naps. Why can't it ever be a fire fighter, or Jude Law.
Do you think it's illegal to drive without your pants on?
Wait... where the hell did you even find a live OCTOPUS, let alone green eggs and ham?
Randomize
