i wish there was a holiday celebrated with pizza eating
this just proves how much faith i have in "us".. what should we be for halloween..?
The bartender was shocked when I took the mop bucket from him and told him I'd take care of my friends puke.
I asked a lamppost to be my valentine. Also: I'm wearing a sombrero. We need more sombrero in our lives.
She just cut the six pack plastic up and screamed "save the dolphins"..she also threw away cans of tuna. I like this girl.
AND FUCKING MGMT JUST CAME ON. CAN I GO DROWN MYSELF IN LESBIANS OR SOMETHING? IS IT TIME TO LESBIAN
we're fated to lesbian
her wearing orange crocs at the bar was definitely a great form of contraception
God I need to stop before there's a picture of my dick on my mom's phone.
Well I was kicked out of the bar and woke up on a picnic table. I'd say the night was awesome!
An old biker dude just flirted with me at Food City. I enjoyed it. God damn I need to get laid.
So many people have told me I have great tits tonight, I'm unstoppable
Nothin ruins a fine afternoon like shitting ur pants
Just cuz I'm recovering alcoholic does NOT make me the taxi for you every weekend
I am watching the most amazing drunk person ever. Literally such a trooper that you can put anything in front of him he'll drink it. His latest reason for taking another shot was: well whatever. I'm never gonna get married anyway.
I got confused. The music was loud, porn was playing, people were grinding, there were hand jobs.
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