you won't ask to borrow his earbuds because you think it's gross, but you'll have sex with him?
Just heard the garage door open and I immediately sprinted to the laptop to erase history, even though I haven't watched porn today...I believe Pavlov now.
I just used an app to identify a song that was playing in the background of a porno. May god bless your soul steve jobs.
how do I tell him nicely and in french that we can't have sex anymore because his huge penis will ruin me for other french men?
Im just saying it can't be that bad if he drove himself to the er. We'll head that way when we finish playing scattergories
Pretty sure encouraging you to sleep with 2 different girls while keeping you in the good graces of both has lost me the ability to call myself a woman. But that's just the kind of friend I am; dedicated.
The paramedics came back to shotgun beers with us.
im just going to make a prayer circle of top ramen packets and cheap beer
Still pimpin that dick in the cornfields. Now it's just transferred to the local bar.
You reeked of guilt and shame and we offered you pancakes
And what in gods fuck were you drinking. It tasted like windex with a mixture of juce
When I finally came to, I was in the DJ booth wearing his headphones while he was spinning. That's all I got.
hold on i need to sex proof my eyelashes. thank godd for waterproof mascara
I fucked her with a giant balloon tied to my dick. You tell ME how my night went
Give me a few. Gonna ride the rollercoaster.
Randomize