And I wrote a rap so it was actually a productive afternoon minus not paying our bills.
Hey was my sperm eye the same day I crapped myself?
Just bought a disco ball for 5 dollars, of course we're drinking tonight.
I wonder if you can snort coke upside down
The usual, bring face make up, I have a weird gash on my nose, probably from my one night stand
I dove into a random van at the bar as the door was closing and ended up at some house with people I've never met in my life dancing in a basement
just woke up in a camero on the way to nebraska, i would appreciate it if you answered your phone.
No, we got so into acting out our role play characters we didn't even fuck. still sucess.
official rule: if your drunk, it doesn't count
then nothing in my life counts
I have no inclination to even want to think about what God's existential meltdown is going to be like. O.o
My stuff that was at your place last night smells like doughnuts. I'm not even mad.
Is it weird to smoke a bong with a client from work?
No, I'm not a weirdo, I keep bondage straps under my matress like a normal person, not a diary.
Like he's moved to LinkedIn creeping on me since he's blocked everywhere else & I'm just so confused does he think I'm going to post daily updates of my life on FUCKING LINKEDIN
What color nail polish screams, "Either fuck me or get the hell out of my way"?
Randomize
