There is a reason Crest White Strips don't list masturbation as one of the myriad of activities to do while whitening your teeth. A very good reason.
Afterwards she curled up in my dog's bed and slept there all night
How mad was your dog?
we used that portable toilet as a cooler to keep coronas. next person who tells me hospitals arn't fun needs to come party in rm 180.
I have eleven tally marks and an infinity sign drawn on my wrist in permanent marker. Senior bar crawl stole my liver.
my sombrero is too big for the bathroom
Also I hooked up with a trainer at my gym. Between her, the married chick, and the bartender, my life is becoming a bad porn plot.
I'm not a horrible person, I just see what everyone chooses to politely ignore.. And occasionally say it aloud whilst deeply intoxicated.
Good. We don't answer calls at dick thirty.
I immediately regret the tequila decision.
well, mom whipped her new boobs out at the dining room table. So yeah you could say we had a pretty casual thanksgiving
fuck you I'm eating salad I can't be drunk.
He compared my ass to "a 13 year old track star's ass." Umm WTF? Is that supposed to be a compliment? And when I questioned boy or girl he said "either."
Slammed 3 beers and just bowled a 129\nI guess alcohol IS the answer
WTF DOES CAROLINE HAVE GLASS IN HER FACE
hes sooooo boring!!! I feel like I’m in a relationship with myself now. I have an 8 inch dildo under my bed, THATS how much I’m in a relationship with myself.
Randomize
