So A**** bought my story about how my hickey was a bruise from wrestling
on one hand i'm glad that i'm not in trouble...on the other hand i realized that the reason i cheat on her is because she is so stupid
okay, prove you're not drunk to me. write 5 true sentences about me with correct grammar.
I am sober. Because I don't drunk. It is bad. People die. I like Domenico because o he bag women what up?
I am literally too baked to press the call button. How am I supposed to bone him?
It was mandatory to shotgun a beer before we were allowed to eat dinner
I'm sorry. We set two Christmas trees on fire. Also the neighbor's yard. Also ours.
I'm hungover in the park, and some guy just handed me a business card for his church. I can feel Jesus' disapproval running through my fingertips
The chick I hooked up with last night is my girlfriend older sister. Who is in town visiting. Who I just met. Who I just had dinner With. Who is here along with their parents and the whole family. How did my luck get so bad?
I know, I know. But we've discussed my friends and appropriate social behaviour, and I'm pretty sure topless karaoke was a no-no.
I left your tip in your mailbox. Last night was amazing.
Where's Taylor bro?
Never mind found him under the sink
Gays age differently than straights. 29 is like 45 in gay years. Next year I'll be in adult diapers and applying for medicaid.
I may have taken the entire adderall. I FEEL LIKE THE FUCKIN HULK. I can't stop cleaning and organizing and doing the clean things
This is either the best idea i've ever had or the worst. stay tuned.
The coke machine at work is laughing at me. Literally. I just heard laughter from the coke machine
we are the best best friends ever. You had sex in an ice cream truck I had sex in a fire truck
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