.....so he has a son. Josh. That is not his roommate
I forgot how ruthlessly advertising works on me when I'm high.
Don't fret. That vag would have consumed a lesser man.
take the plastic off of my new air freshener and i'm not going to eat you out for a month.
she is the female version of PC from the mac and pc commercials..i'll still hit tho
I was holding her hair back and when she quit puking she told me she's been saving her scissor virginity for me.
I'm gonna need you to NOT let me play duck duck goose with three racoons in the middle of the street next time.
Postcard from jail please. Reserving a spot on my fridge.
I thought it went well, but he just sent me a video of me sucking an icicle on the fire escape of his building with the caption "The ice got more than I did." Somehow I feel like I owe him a blowjob.
Almost stopped showering halfway through to go get food
HOW DID I LET MYSELF GET SUCKED IN HE HAS A PENIS FOR PETE'S SAKE.
Hi. Tara tells me your sandwiches and stamina are substantial
My boss asked me what was wrong today and I really wanted to tell her I woke up too late to smoke a bowl before coming in
Let me guess you did your hair instead? Has anyone told you about priorities?
I just bought condoms and a potted plant, making for a top ten super weird and awkward purchase.
I had a threesome with my hot neighbor and his GF and by threesome I mean I heard them getting it on in their apartment and I was in my apartment with a vibrator
and I may have moaned his name loud enough that they heard me because now he won’t make eye contact
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