I just saw a homeless man with a cat on a leash. reminded me of you.
she met some random, took his vcard, peed in his bed, left, and then requested him as her boyfriend on facebook
I was just on craigslist and saw and ad for a naked yoga instructor. I will no longer be jobless.
Aren't you glad we're at the point in our relationship where I don't even ask why you're hiding in the cabinet?
i chugged some hot sauce before i gave him head. i think a burning penis is a great way to say fuck you
For the first time in my life, I paid for my own alcoholic beverage last night. Am I getting ugly?
To be honest, kinda.
if the future wants me to fuck him, then i guss i have to
I. Did. In fact. Sprain. My liver. This. Weekend.
Your mother liked my album on facebook that's only filled with drunk pictures. I don't know what to feel about this
Come to find out, there is a place where binge drinking and aggressive head butting is completely appropriate. In a mosh pit, Travis is just a regular dude!
So everything was good he was big spoon I was little spoon and then I got peed on
I would've fucked Winston Churchill - rode that D like I was going into battle.
I went to the hospital to have my arm checked out, and they already knew the story. They gave me props for posting photos on facebook before even coming to the hospital.
In the past year, I've fucked 3 Dave's and you've fucked 2 Dave's. That's a lot of Dave's in our vaginas.
We need to start a soap opera called the Dave's of Our Lives.
Remember when you laughed that I downloaded a “fireplace” station on my Roku? I just woke up butt naked on my couch with my fireplace station playing. So there, guess that shows you. Now excuse me while I go back to sleep in front of my fireplace.
Randomize
