Sometimes I kiss girls just to make them shut up.
Trying not to fart in the comp lab is going to take everything i've got.
I walked downstairs and there were 50 sorority girls. I wasn't expecting an audience during my walk of shame.
did she really think she could get into the club & no one would recognize her from 16 & pregnant???
Some ambulance just rolled up to this bar and this girl just hops out of the back and walks inside
I jerked off enough times today to safely commit to the fact that im not getting laid tonight
Dude just slipped a $20 into the jukebox at that restaurant we were escorted out of last Mardi GRAS. Hope they enjoy Justin Bieber's Baby cause they're gonna hear it 40 fucking times.
He won't stop licking me..... im choosing your date next time.
It's all coming back to me. I drank moonshine from a milk carton from a guy named tomohawk last night.
Dont really know what happened near the end, Pockets were filled with skittles though
You know it's a good Halloween party when a guy wearing a light-up sombrero offers you blow.
So, I have realized that I am kryptonite for married men. I'm not sure how to feel about this sober, but drunk me accepts her destiny.
He kept kissing me on the cheek when I was pretending to sleep while he cried
Sorry about my life...
I'm really going to need you to stop yelling Campari.
Randomize
