I woke up this morning with my shirt on upside down.
You mean inside out.
No, upside down. I ripped the neck hole in the process of getting it around my waist.
does the new i-phone have a pregnancy test app?
Married on the beach in PCB while blackout drunk. Bonged beers on the sandbar for a bachelor party. They shotgunned beers at the end of the vows. How is spring break allowed to happen?
I think her nose is broken... but I think she's just drunk enough to fall for the whole "sex releases endorphins, so it'll feel better" line.
Dude I need help. What word is complimentary, but sounds like "chunky"?
I mean, I'm not looking for prince charming. I'm looking for the glass slipper of dicks.
Home. Hour long discussion with mom. Very frightened. Eating a sausage. Don't remember making it. Confused.
dude a monday night stripper made you motorboat her. you should get that checked out
Either way, we will celebrate half Christmas the only way we can. Completely and irresponsibly wasted.
Wrapped in a blanket, just ate a whole party pizza. All my dreams are coming true and you don't even care.
Well I'm sleeping with two of them cause they have nice cars. And the third cause she has a big rack. I'm just really waiting for it all to blow up in my face so I can find a girl I'm actually interested in
Taking care of drunk people fulfills my need to be a mother
So we were fooling around last night and suddenly Like A Virgin popped up on his itunes
OMG haha What did he say?
He told me that if I laughed, I would have to leave.
A cop may or may not have seen my bare ass against the moonlight within the past hour
He had a small dick and screamed "I will kill you if you don't get hard" to it in German...awkward time to have to explain I speak German too...
This is why you need to stop sleeping with freshmen.
Randomize
