There comes a time in every man's life where he has to shit in a catbox to prove a point.
Just joined the godiva rewards club. Who's the fat friend now.
Five girls, one freshman pledge. We're like our own Make A Wish Foundation.
We're official. Living with your boyfriend sounds so much better than fucking your roommate.
we were having sex and the sweat made her make up run... seriously laid there and watched her face just melt into ugly.
Thank you blackberry messenger, for giving me a way to sext faster and more efficiently
that was after you ironed the burrito. didn't leave much cheese on the ironing board though
Apparently blowing a .28 for a cop and then kissing her on the mouth is technically assaulting a police officer. Who knew.
I've made friends with the guy dressed as a gorilla that was chasing the guy dressed as a banana around with a super soaker full of vodka. I feel this will be a good relationship for me.
I almost itched my nose with the lit end of a cigarette. Help.
I know, it's just the worst. Also, security almost took the burrito I brought for lunch. I thought I was going to have to pull a Liz Lemon and eat the whole thing before I could go through.
How am I supposed to buy weed and pancake mix when it's raining?
I just woke up in his bed.. in a cardboard castle, with a Justin Bieber poster on the ceiling staring down at me, cuddling with 4 empty PBR cans. I win.
Were we still high when we decided to break your leg?
Good, but still not as good as the guy I banged in the ball crawl
Randomize
