We should takd a huggy cab to snuggle bunnyville
Hey! Thanks for asking, but it didnt go well. He threw up in the car on the way to dinner. Blind dates arent for everyone.
someone was throwing condoms at us.
no, they just magically show up around you.
Had her hockey skates on in the house. Whole floor is ruined.
Matt is in the hospital again. the night nurse text me asking not to bring the boombox again. is it sad or awesome that they are starting to know us?
My wedding band has saved me from at least four cases of herpes tonight.
I'm so sick
I would imagine. You did most of your drinking for brazil last night.
That and I think I got food poisoning from sharing nachos with that homeless guy..
I really wanted to suck your dick, but I also didn't want to miss any of the movie
And my parents said I crawled through the house
you should never start the day with a boob text. It can only go downhill from there
Remember when I puked into a mesh garbage can in the middle of a meeting and told the clients it was "morning sickness"?
hahah yep
Well the are flying back here, it's been like 10 months, should I frame fake baby pics in my office?? Or too much?
It's OK, I woke up in a drag queen's bed last weekend. It took me forever to get the glitter out of my cleavage.
There's just something classy about smoking a blunt in a prom dress.
Just blew on a shot of whiskey to cool it off, like it was soup...
My Dachshund waddled into the room carrying a rolled-up pad in her mouth with period blood. This day is clearly off to a good start.
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