i just had sex with a fat kid who giggles when he cums. tequila really lowers my standards.
Just bought two budlight beers with a can of tuna at the bar
The gym is handing out free condoms this week, motivation to work out this week?
I can't wait. Forget the royal wedding. This is the most anticipated hookup of 2011.
Just woke up and my doorbell is on my nightstand... the fuck?
He's not so smart and obsessed with sex and lacks listening comprehension skills. I feel like i'm dating a sexually competent sesame street character.
He's basically wearing those Nike boner sweatpants. It's hard not to jump him. How has your day been?
I've slipped into the part of my life where I am not having sex to get Phils tickets from this chick. I need to seriously rethink my life decisions
Opening beer with my teeth is getting easier the drunker I become.
It turns out my teeth are bleeding.
I just had a great idea for an etsy shop. Sell all the shit bitches leave from one nighters
Best part of leaving the university? Interns are as hot as my former students, not legally off limits, and they will do anything for a full time job.
From what I heard you ordered him to lick your balls. Unless you've kept a huge secret I understand his confusion.
I think my body knows it's dying and is just shutting down
I was just thinking about if my bath water turned to jello and got a little freaked out
i bet he makes cat noises to excite himself.
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