My sheets look like a crime scene.
I thought I was riding a bike, but I guess it was a vacuum cleaner
he referred to my room as the tit cave...
he asked if thats how we do it in the states..like there's cultural difference in fucking between canada and the us..
woke up with the dennys waiters MYSPACE link on the back of my receipt...yep one of those nights
We made a bet that we had to talk like Yoda all night at the bars
Just turned down sex because it's a holy day of obligation, my mom would be proud.
my goal for the rest of college is to escape STD free. fuck getting a job. this is more important.
If I woke up in a pillar of smoke I suppose that's a sign right
And then god smiled down upon me and he said let there be hangover food and let it be Wendy's
Well there's only 4 people in my class, we've watched a video, the instructors encouraged us to start using cocaine and now we are on break.
It's been productive.
8 stitches. Next time I decide to twerk while doing a keg stand, stop me.
im so drunk that this cat is mothering me. aggressively
you fell asleep with her panties on your face. how are you surprised??
I’ll call you later. There’s a jilted trophy wife looking for a revenge fuck at my door
Randomize
