Segways are the fanny packs of transportation. Useful in some situations, but you always look like a tool when using one.
Is it wrong to beat off to a girl to determine if you like her or not?
what are u so afraid of ive smelled ur poop before
i just sent my parents are gone come over I have condoms to my mom because Derek changed my numbers while I was passed out
You mailed him a break up letter, because you thought the "joy of receiving a letter" would ease the pain of you dumping him.
Please don't be alarmed by the blood on my arms and phone in the morning. It's not mine.
You may or may not of thrown up on your shoes, and you tried to give me a wet willy in my eye.
You. Me. A bottle of Vodka. The wilderness.
I LOVE DRINKING BOOZE OUT OF A FUCKING LAMP
You were face down in the punch bowl, humming the theme to jaws
That explains the stains on my shirt
my taxi driver is listening to 50 shades of grey audiobook. this is uncomfortable.
Okay, I just got to our real hotel and the YMCA may have been a better choice. A man w/ no shirt on
Just used an eyelash curler to open my beer since I didn't have a bottle opener. Things are starting to look up.
ANNA YOU PEED ON THE STREET. LIKE NOT EVEN SUBTLY. YA JUST SQUATTED IN THE MIDDLE OF THE HIGHWAY. And you flashed your tits to oncoming vehicles to try to get them to pick us up
Did I tell you about the swingers? Because I think they're trying to trap me.
Randomize
