totally poinked my lawyers daughter in his hot tub last night. i figure getting off is just compensation for not getting me off.
any plan I had today of being a productive member of society, I am officially throwing out the window.
I was relieved after I found the unopened condom in my pocket. Then I found the open one in the other pocket..
I maybe just had sex outside in broad daylight. At a state park. Please be proud.
Omg he's telling my parents stories about him doing jaagerbombs ... Lord help me
That's true. There's really no bad time to take a Vicodin.
It is the Reeses peanut butter cup of pharmaceuticals.
I just wanted to share with you that my life has come to naked arts and crafts, to fix my flask, with a rum and coke in my hand... Good luck on your exam
This breakup hit defcon 5. Walked to pathmark with a denim jacket over my nightgown to get ben and jerrys. On sale btw.
just got a call from a life insurance sellsperson and apparently our xany dealer referenced us. not cool thats breaking the 4th wall
Hmmm... I thought we agreed as a group we make our last stand in Philly...
I don't wanna go out like that. Covered in melted cheese smelling like a sewer rat...
I have four things I would like to do over summer too... Problem is they're all roommates
After we won that round of beer pong you attempted to swallow the winning ball whole claiming you had the mouth and jaw of a snake.
A snake? I must've been gone...
After that you got naked and hissed at people the rest of the night..
Already drunk, almost got in a fight with a bunch of irish chicks. And another with canadians. On my way to get a tattoo. I plan to regret this trip.
well that was a fail
maybe for you, but i got a free ice cube in my bra
They stopped fighting to partake in M&Ms and porn.
Randomize
