...is it true? will i see you next weekend
YES.
ah, i can't wait till there's negative 2 inches between us
just caught my little brother jacking off the family pet
My life is like the prequel to "40 Year Old Virgin"
you were carrying around a glass of vodka telling everyone it was Russian water
I puked off the balcony.
Not horrible
Into the hottub. There were six people in it. I had eaten all their pizza.
Well, of course, to the untrained eye I look like a slut.
I'm sorry for peeing on your door. But it was your decision to open it.
I think I just inadvertently started a sex competition with my roommate and her boyfriend.
Well the police had to intervene and I couldn't exactly feel my legs by the end of the night, but I'd say it was a successful Friday night.
The last time the Patriots won the Super Bowl I lost my virginity. I can only imagine what'll happen if they win this year.
he was like tryna hang and chat and I was like dude there's an iguana in this room
Oh the best part of having sex with him was that he made me a smoothie after
I'm glad I date someone who likes the simple things. Sex, kittens, and McDonald's.
I'm disappointed in the internet. It's two days and there's still no fanfiction based off that Manning/Beckham commercial.
You don't even like football
Our conversation went from you choking me to my quarter life crisis reeeaaalllll quick.
Randomize
